He always felt that his presence and caring were essential to some of his friends' lives, that those people would be far worse then they are now without him.
It could be actually true, but to be there for those half a dozen friends he had to give away lots of personal time and obviously, a lot of his peace of mind.
Helping some mates out wasn't bad, the issue was that afterwards he felt really, really confuse, like he was irrelevant to those people lives, getting to know every dirty little secret and trying to sort them could never be enough as John never was to be really engaged in that imaginary door witch only the ones who are truly loved get to enter.
The poor bloke was just an outsider inside someone's mind.
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